Path to the Straight and Thin
by Angeepang
Summary: A very special guest visits Lucky in rehab.


**Disclaimer**: We're not making money off this.

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"Well, I'm due for a doctor's appointment for, you know, _our baby_. Now." Maxie stood in the doorway of Lucky's room at rehab, pouting.

"I hope it goes well," Lucky said.

"Do you?" Maxie asked, and left without giving Lucky the chance to respond.

Lucky sighed and flopped down on the bed. It wasn't so much that he didn't want Maxie's appointment to go well; it's just that he didn't have enough in him to concentrate on that messy situation right now. What with trying to mend fences with Elizabeth and trying to not think about pills for one second, Maxie and her baby - _their baby_ - just wasn't the biggest priority for him.

He stared up at plain white ceiling, trying to relax. But no, he could see the word "Vicodin" hovering faintly above him. Wait.

Oh God, he really was going crazy, wasn't he? And now, there were more words in the air: "I love Vicodin". What the hell was going on?

"Nothing Lucky," he heard an airy voice say.

"Nothing?" Lucky said. "I'm hearing a voice and you're telling me nothing's going on?" He paused. "Oh God, now I'm talking to the voice. Or am I talking to myself? Oh my God I really am going crazy."

"No, Lucky, it's me." Now he could see that the words belonged to a t-shirt, which was worn by what appeared to be an apparition of Courtney Matthews-Quartermaine-Morgan-Jacks. She was now floating at eye-level in front of him.

"Courtney?" Lucky gasped. His eyes nearly popped out of their sockets.

"That's right Lucky," she said. Lucky couldn't help but wonder if her voice was always that high-pitched.

"What the hell are you doing here? In my room? In rehab!" shouted Lucky.

"I'm here to help you!" Courtney said in that airy voice.

"Why are you talking like that?"

"Because I'm here to help you, Lucky!" Her voice squeaked up an extra notch.

"Alright, I get it." Lucky rolled his at the blonde apparition. She started to giggle.

"Ok, I'll stop now." Courtney was speaking now in her normal ear-splitting voice. Lucky wasn't sure which one was worse, but either way, it made him want a pain killer (for his ears, of course. _Really_.) "Lucky," she said, "it's very important that you get on the straight and thin."

"The straight and thin?"

"That's right," she assured him, "it's very important."

"Don't you mean straight and _narrow_?" he corrected. Ghost Courtney cocked her head to the side and thought for a moment while she twirled her hair.

"Oooh, right. That's what I meant. Well, you know, potato, tomato and all that."

"Well in case you haven't noticed, I _am _on the straight and narrow. I checked myself into rehab."

"Yes, I see! And that is 100 percent super. But you haven't stopped longing for the pills. Much like I never stopped longing for Nikolas while I was with Jax, like I never stopped longing for Jason while I was longing for Nikolas while I was with Jax, like - "

"OK, OK! But I don't understand how you showing up here in an 'I Love Vicodin' shirt is supposed to help keep me on the straight and narrow!" Lucky yelled.

"Oh, that! That's _reverse psychology_!" She rolled her eyes and sneered. "God, get with it Lucky! Keep up with the program!" she in a sing-song tone. "How am I supposed to help you if you won't _help yourself_?"

"You know, is there anyone else you want to talk about?" said Lucky, trying to change the subject. He really didn't want to talk about this anymore. "Your kid is great. You know Jax lied to Nikolas about the paternity? Why don't you go ream him out for a while?"

"Yeah! How is little Sparky? I yearned for him so, I yearned for him so much that I decided to go into a hospital where I was warned that a cruel epidemic could kill me. But you know, I survived the wild freezing waters of Bolivia, so I could definitely take on that virus! But I didn't! _Bummer_. But that's OK, because my love - "

"Courtney!"

"Uh-huh?"

"Well, now that you know, maybe you could go visit Spencer now," Lucky said. He gestured gently with his hands. "Go. Go on now."

"But Lucky! I don't think you're cured yet! And we all know Elizabeth could never fix you, much like she could never fix Jason the kind of muffi- wait. Did you just say Spencer?"

"Yeah."

"Ok that sounds weird, but he could have named him Matthew! Oh well, I'm pretty dead, guess I can't do anything about it now. Oh Nikolas and I are in a big fight now! No mystical whoopee for him tonight!"

"Yeah, I know you and Sonny were close, but me and Nikolas don't really talk about those details much, but um. I think you've cured me Courtney. Thank you," Lucky said as he gestured towards the door.

"_I'll_ be the judge of that Lucky!" Courtney crossed her arms across her chest and rolled her eyes once more. "You think you're qualified to make that statement?"

Lucky threw up his hands in frustration. "And _you _are?"

"Hey, remember when I saved that woman and her dog from the fire? And she left me like a bajillion dollars? And I aced the job," she snapped her fingers, "like _that_? Well, I think I can unofficially hold a psychiatric degree after _that_. And I say, you're not cured!"

"Oh no. You, um, you're right."

"You sound better already."

"And I love Elizabeth, but her muffins, awful."

"Mm-hmm. That's true. You're a good guy Lucky, to eat them. You and me, we had a lot in common. Too bad I'm dead."

"Yes. Too bad," Lucky echoed. "So . . . am I better?"

"You're on your way Lucky, you're on your way. I mean, besides the fact that you were so poor that Liz had to carry my baby to pay the bills, couldn't even manage _that_, and now not only are you still poor, you don't have a job and have two baby momma's to support! But," she smiled at him indulgently, "you're hot, and you have an excellent head of hair. And you now know that I'm looking down on you, when I'm not busy doing other stuff."

Courtney flipped her hair and gave a small wave. "Well, I have other places to be. You're a nice guy Lucky but other souls are in need of my help, you know? I've got to give Carly and Jax my blessing. Right in their bed on their wedding night! They're gonna love it!"

"They sure will."

"Bye Lucky!" Courtney slowly started to fade away.

"Bye Courtney!" Lucky waved at her, and sighed in relief when she finally disappeared all together again.

He really had to get out of rehab soon. He didn't know if you could take another visitation, or hallucination, or whatever the hell that was.

But hell. He kinda wanted the t-shirt.

The end

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**Author's Note** – So **uad **and I came up with this concept and ran with it. Thanks for reading. 


End file.
